At 09:15 I lose the luxury of participating in my depression. I do not want my voice to sound hoarse on the ‘phone. I head to the kitchen, taking my ‘phone with me (the call, might, after all, come through early). I pour myself a pint of water. I drink it. I pour myself another pint… I put the kettle on and make myself a strong, black, coffee (fairtrade, co-op, own-brand instant coffee – despite wanting to like this, I am unimpressed and disappointed).
This feature contains drug abuse, onanism, feelings of lethargy and post pre-menstrual tension.
I sit at the kitchen table with a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and my mobile ‘phone. It is 09:23. 09:23 turns into 09:24, which, in turn, becomes 09:25. Eventually it is 09:31.
Actions denoting self-loathing and issues surrounding body image may also appear.
At 09:50 I give up waiting. It would appear that I am to remain interred for a while longer, at least.
The rest of the day is spent in bed, drifting into and out of consciousness. I wake up and eat a whole Easter Egg, I immediately regret this and go to the gym later to atone for my sin. Someone in the changing room snorts cocaine. Someone else in the changing room does not. The whole arena is a confederacy of dunces.
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this programme please contact your most proximate public school (a misnomer if there ever was one), where having a past is likely to ensure your immediate ostracism.
Just as I will not know if I have had a good day until its end, I will not know if I have led a good life until I lie on my deathbed. Reflection follows the fact. Today has not been a good day.
Bleak is the new red.